All the best laid plans wash away with no warning. And we’re best if we roll with the tides or whatever.
Puerto Vallarta and surrounding areas recently experienced disastrous storms took over the entire east coast of the country while Northern California was on fire. And, my bandmate reminds me that if I go then we don’t really have a band. And, she’s right. We’ve been working really hard on, well, not just these new songs, but on so many songs, all of our lives.
They’re shadow banning and deleting sex educators on YouTube. “They” meaning these giant social media conglomerates. My channel may be going away. I’ve gotten two strikes in 90 days. A third strike in this time frame and I’m out. Channel gone. Deleted. Poof. Funny thing is they’re striking really old videos. From 7 years ago. The new stuff I have posted not only falls flat, first off it just doesn’t excite nor entice in the sexual way perhaps and it’s not ban-material, but the entire channel has been shadow banned. YouTube has not let me “grow” my channel in years!
I’ve actually wanted to stop doing this channel so many times but have kept going. I lost the luster for it many years ago. I was always thinking I’d find the fire for it again. I hoped. And. People wanted to do it with me. I was proud of it. I was really proud of me.
Then earlier this year, I went viral on Tiktok with one of my old Sex Talk videos. And, I was reawakend. But, I was banned there too. Sexual content, not containing nudity but talking about, educating about sex, penises, vaginas, orgasms, masturbation and porn will get you banned. Talking about these things . No actual nudity. No actual porn. Banned. They just don’t want real sex education on their sites. They disguise their reasons. They tell us it promotes trafficking. How does education promote trafficking? This is incorrect. The opposite is true.
But the writing is on the wall. And maybe it has been ever since I saw myself in my bad outfit and bad hair that fall day in 2018, speaking at that conference that wasn’t meant for me. After walking away from this career that first time. And then coming back. Maybe it was me who created it then. Maybe I made it this way. Those days over. Way back when. Maybe I’m kicking a dead horse as they say and YouTube is just the messenger. Maybe I should be right here, where I’ve been all along, doing exactly what I have been doing.
And, the universe, or whatever you believe in, has a funny way of showing up. Just today I thought I found a new lease. I’m gonna get back on that horse, I thought. I do still want this. So. I’m gonna combine all of my identities and rebrand myself as me. I. Me. Rebrand. Moi. I thought I had it all figured out. And, then this. In fact, I do not have it all figured out, and I am most definitely belaboring something that is old, and not only has the world moved on. I have also moved on. In fact. I started this game. (line from The Depressionistas song This Rapture, coming soon.)
In fact. Once you start something you cannot go back. So choose carefully. Change course only if you are sure. I have started something that calls me and yet I falter becuase I hear the sayings about great leaders being chosen not made. Great leaders follow their hearts.
I shall not falter. I shall not falter.
So, I shall continue doing what I am doing. Stay the course.
Write the writes, write the songs.